


I can't find you in the body sleeping next to me

by insufferablelovebirds



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Fluff, M/M, Sort of? - Freeform, Temporary Amnesia, happy ending I promise
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-14
Updated: 2015-09-14
Packaged: 2018-04-14 15:40:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,045
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4570071
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/insufferablelovebirds/pseuds/insufferablelovebirds
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Wh-who are you?" he rasped voice rough and dry.</p><p>Louis rolled his eyes leaning in to stroke Harry's hair again. "Normally I'd applauded you but you scared me too much you dick."<br/>Harry leaned away from him again, sitting straight up. "I'm sorry I really don't know you." he swung his legs out of bed and unsteadily stood. "Do you know where my mum is?"</p><p>"Harry." Louis whispered, throat tightening, dread pooling in his stomach, he knew Harry better then he knew himself and there was nothing joking in his expression . "It's - it's me."</p>
            </blockquote>





	I can't find you in the body sleeping next to me

**Author's Note:**

> hiiiii, i found out i just had to write an amnesia fic so here it is. I tried to stay close with dates but I'm probably off, so eh. I also don't know very much about amnesia other than what google could tell me so this is probably not accurate but I hope its an enjoyable read.
> 
> title from Halsey's "Ghost"
> 
> oh quick warning, there's a bit of mental age difference and at one point with intimacy ( they kiss for a few seconds ) so if that bothers you please take heed. 
> 
> unbeta'd as usual.
> 
> *I have no ties to anyone this fic characterizes, I don't know or pretend to know them in the slightest, this is a work of complete fiction and is intended to only be seen by the fandom. *
> 
> hope you enjoy! :)

Louis knew it was happening before it happened, like that saying of someone walking over your grave, his stomach flipped suddenly and his eyes immediately sought out Harry, the first show was right after the Summer Time Ball,  they had been hurried from one place to another, shepherded like sheep flipped and shaved as usual.

Everything  was normal the stage lights bright and hot the lasers streaking across the crowd, the deafening roar as Harry conducted the crowd in moaning. It never got old, knowing they were the reason for those screams, hearing the words they'd penned screamed back.

He watched out of the corner of his eye, sipping water as Harry skipped up the catwalk towards him, in moment of seeming randomness he jump onto one of the obstacles near the main stage and made to jump off and onto the stage again when his shoe caught and he tumbled down.

Louis  watch frozen in place as Harry fell seemingly in slow motion, after years of being told being near was out of the question  he couldn't make his feet move though his mind screamed at him as Liam darted over  to where he lay, Niall finished setting down his guitar and turned around eyes darting from Harry to Louis.  
"Cut the lights." he managed, noticing the slow ebb of the crowd as word spread.

The moment the lights went out Louis was on his knees by Harry mic thrown somewhere in his run, cupping his face as his head lolling to the side.

"Baby, Harry come on, _Harry_." 

"He's got a pulse. I can feel a pulse." Liam muttered, desperately.

"Harry, come on open your eyes."

"Lou, move, come on we have to get him back." Alberto's firm grasp on his shoulder pulled him away as Dale and Paddy bent down to pick up Harry.

"Cradle his head." he instructed. "If his necks damaged moving it will - won't be good."

"I'll take care of the crowd, go." Liam muttered as the lights came back up, his eyes were red rimmed and his voice thick.

Louis gripped his wrist and squeezed before taking off backstage, Harry was already on the stretcher, neck wrapped in a brace. "-think his neck is damaged, but he's stable , we'll know more at the hospital."

"I'm coming along." Louis gasped coming to a stop.

The EMT raised his eyebrow "And you are..?"  
"His fiancé ." Louis snapped, knowing the laws of silence by now. " I know his whole medical history unless you'd like to wait a day or so until his mother gets here, your choice."

The EMT raised his hands in defeat. "Come on then."

**

Louis knee wouldn't stop bouncing as he gripped the armrests and stared straight ahead, Liam watched him carefully, Niall was across the room, biting at his finger nails, Sophia and Lottie were off getting coffee and Alberto, Dale, and Paddy  were  talking in low voices  
"I didn't kiss him before we went on stage." Louis said suddenly.

"What?" Liam asked startled.

Louis looked him, this was the first time Liam had ever seen Louis face completely devoid of emotion and this pale, not even as they'd all sat in together while the suits spelled out exactly what they wanted from them in 2012, promising it was the best for the band as he watched Harry signed away almost six months of his life to their whims of what was necessary for a stunt to be successful, to break them into America and brand him for life.

"He was busy and we didn't kiss before the show like we always do." Louis whispered. "I should have waited for him."

"Lou." Liam breathed.

"What if something happens and the last thing I said to him was _hurry up_ , Liam what if that's the last thing I said." Louis voice held hysteria.

Liam gripped his wrists. "He _will_ be fine Louis, you hear me? He's going to be fine."

Louis nodded shakily and glance over Liam's head, Lottie handed Louis a cup. He held it but didn't drink.

"Their tea is shit." she muttered, hands visibly shaking as she sat down next to Louis, knee joining his in the rhythmic tapping.

"Babe," Sophia murmured handing Liam a cup, he smiled and brushed a kiss to her cheek.

"Mr. Tomlinson?" A doctor called as the door swung open.

Louis leapt to his feet. "Yes?"

"You're Mr. Styles Significant Other?"

"I am, yes." he wrung his hands together.

"Alright." he said peering at the chart while Alberto, Dale  and Paddy stepped closer. "Mr. Styles will be fine."

Louis let out a breath he didn't know he was holding, Liam's warm hand was on his back, he closed his eyes against the sudden stinging, while Lottie sniffled behind him and Niall's deep breath of relief .

"He doesn't seem to have a bad concussion but we're keeping him over night to make sure they're no brain swelling or bleeding."

"Is that very likely?" Louis asked.

"Not really but I want to be sure, we'll do a few more scans in  the morning to make sure but he seems to have just a mild concussion."

"Thank god." Alberto muttered behind him.

"Can I see him? Is he awake?"

"He's still out now and probably will be for the rest of the night but you're welcome to sit with him."

Louis nodded and turned to Liam.

"I'll take Lottie home and let everyone know what's going on." Liam said gripping Louis shoulder. "I'm sure it'a all over social media by now."

"Thank you.: he murmured hauling Liam in for a hug, he tucked Lottie in to his arms after. "Go home and sleep, okay?"

She nodded against his chest and let Liam lead her away. Niall stepped up and pulled Louis in a rib crushing hug. "Call me if you need anything?"

Louis nodded, and watched him walk away before following the doctor to a private room, Alberto stood outside the door while Louis went in.

Harry looked peaceful dressed in a white hospital gown, dark curls spilling over the pillow a small square of gaze taped to his temple.

"Have a good night." the doctor said closing the door softly.

Louis walked forward tentatively to the chair beside the bed, perching on the edge, the soft blip of the machine filled the room, slowly Louis reached out his hand placing it on top of Harry's. For some reason he expected it to be cool but it was warm as usual, finger tips calloused from his guitar practice, Louis folded both his hands over Harry's bringing it to his lips, a wave of exhaustion crashed over him  and he lay his head down next to Harry's hand. 

 

Louis woke to the feeling of Harry's hand twitching from between his, blinking awake he sat on the edge of the bed and brushed Harry's hair back as his eyes fluttered open.

"Hey baby." he murmured.

Harry's eyes opened and focused on him, darting around the room the green vivid and alarmed.

"You're okay, you had a tumble on stage but you're fine, babe." Louis reassured as Harry's gaze darted around the room rapatedly.

He looked at Louis and frowned, pulling his hand out his grasp and leaning away from him, curling in on himself.

"Wh-who are you?" he rasped voice rough and dry.

Louis rolled his eyes leaning in to stroke Harry's hair again. "Normally I'd applauded you but you scared me too much you dick."

Harry leaned away from him again, sitting straight up. "I'm sorry I really don't know you." he swung his legs out of bed and unsteadily stood. "Do you know where my mum is?"

"Harry." Louis whispered, throat tightening, dread pooling in his stomach, he knew Harry better then he knew himself and there was nothing joking in his expression . "It's - it's me." 

"Please." Harry begged, eyes welling up. "I've never seen you before in my life, I really really need to call my mum."

 *

 

"...he just can't access the memories." the doctor was saying

That's all he'd been saying for the past five hours after every test they ran and Louis was at the end of his rope.

"Is there any chance he can regain his memory?" he snapped out, Anne's warm hand came to rest on his shoulder.

"There is a chance. " he said and Louis blood unfroze. "He could wake up tomorrow and have no recollection of ever losing his memory, it could be weeks, months, years even. But yes, he could get his memories back, it's likely even."

Louis heard Anne let out a shaky breath.

"What do we need to do to help him?"

The doctor shook his head. "There's nothing you can do, if he gets his memories back it'll be spontaneous. Don't stress him, continue with your normal routines as much as you can and support him, Louis I would suggest taking him to your shared home, it might help."

Louis opened his mouth to snap but Anne stepped forward. "Thank you doctor."

Louis drug his hands down his face, falling back against the wall, moments later Anne was pulling him into her arms.

"It'll be okay Lou." she promised, she was warm and motherly and Louis wanted to cry.

"How?" he whispered. "How will it be okay? He thinks he's sixteen again Anne."

She held him away at arms length. "It will be okay." she pressed.

 Louis nodded hugging her again, rubbing her back, hoping to convey how much she meant to him right now.

Harry was talking in a low voice to Gemma, startling when the door snapped shut. He smiled at Anne and gave Louis a small smile that Louis was quick to return.

"Hey baby." Anne whispered carding a hand through his hair. "How are you? Ready to go?"

Gemma sided up to Louis. "He trusts you." she said in a low voice. "He doesn't know why but he trusts you."

Louis swallowed around the lump in his throat and nodded.

 

"So." Louis said once they were in the car, it was awkward  he wasn't use to it being awkward with Harry, the moment they met they fell in line, everything was comfortable like they'd know each other for years.

"So." Harry mimicked playing with his hair, looking out the window they were in the back seat with what felt like a canyon between them. "We live together?"

"Yeah, we do." Louis said staring at the messages Liam and Niall had sent him with no intention of replying.

"So like,  we're mates?" 

Louis felt his throat tighten. "Yeah, really really good mates." 

 "Why did you call me baby?"

Louis closed his eyes, pressing his forehead against the glass.

"It's...something we do, a joke I guess." 

Harry hummed again.

 

"Shit, we live here?" Harry asked, leaning forward to see the house as they came up the drive.

Louis glanced at the house, five bedrooms, three and a half baths, complete with a full studio in the basement, heated pool and full backyard. They'd bought it intending to keep as a secret and fill with kids later on, Louis decided not to mention the sprawling nine bedroom house they owned in LA or the one in Ohio or the three bedroom apartment they were looking at in New York.

"Yeah." Louis sighed, feeling at least a little tension drain out of his body.

"What do we _do_?" Harry asked sounding breathless after thanking the driver.

Louis chuckled, unlocking the door, watching to make sure the gate closed behind the car. "I need tea for that."

Harry followed him into the foray, stopping as Louis kicked off his shoes in the general direction of the coat closet  and making his way to the kitchen, not bothering to turn on any lights, he stretched, feeling sticky from his missed shower after the show.  Setting the kettle to boil he turned and found himself alone, he padded back out to the foray where Harry was still, staring at the mirror on the wall, brow furrowed as he studied himself.

"It must be harder for you." Louis muttered, looking at him over his shoulder. "You look so different than you did when you were sixteen."

Harry watched him in the mirror.

"When did we meet?" he asked tucking some stray hair behind his ear.

"You were sixteen." Louis muttered watching Harry's reaction in the mirror.

"And I'm twenty-one now?"

"Yeah." Louis whispered, turning away as the kettle screamed.

Harry sat across from Louis as he made tea, watching carefully, giving him a tiny smile as he took the mug in both hands.

"It's prefect." he said after a sip.

Louis scoffed, searching through his phone. "Of course it is, I've been making you tea for years." he glanced up at Harry's face. "Sorry."

he handed over his phone. "What we do."

Harry's brow furrowed as he read. "We're in a band?"

Louis nodded, lips turning up at the ridge of his teacup. "Yeah, a fairly popular one at that."

"'Globally renowned' " Harry read off. "'Worlds biggest boy band'" oh my god we're a boy band." 

"But a cool one, not matching outfits or dance moves, and we wrote most of the last two albums, so that's cool." Louis corrected. "We kind of broke that whole boy band mold thing, or so they say."

"No big deal, or anything." Harry  muttered sounding overwhelmed. "Millions of copies sold- we have four albums?"

Louis nodded.

"And a past member?" 

Louis chest tightened up slightly, the last fight he and Zayn had still imprinted in his brain.

_"i just can't do this anymore, I'm sorry. I'm not cut out for pop shit"_

_"Pop shit I write, thanks mate."_

_"Lou-" Liam had cut in._

_"No, Li, he can leave it's fine, apparently we aren't good enough for him anymore."_

_"That's not what I said." Zayn snapped, his cool demeanor broken. "Lou, you and Li can write half the album and everything I touch gets cut, it's not fair."_

_"That's not my fault." Louis snapped, pacing the room. "And it's not like we're not censored, you think I like writing everything to make sure it can sound like it's to a bloody girl? That it's not too obvious? I get being creativity oppressed, trust me on that."_

_"I get that mate, but I can't keep this pace like you four can, this ..this isn't me, I can't bloody do it. I can't get up on stage every night and give it my all like you can, I can't do this half way. I need rest."_

_"We all need rest!" Louis nearly shouted. "We've all been on since the moment we stepped off the bloody studio lot. You don't get to act like you're the only who gives everything!"_

_"Lou." Harry had murmured, a hand low on his back. "This isn't solving anything."_

_"Neither is being a fucking wallflower Harry."_

_Harry had raised his eyebrows and stepped back, joining Niall at the wall, he and Zayn had been off for months ignoring each other than simple pleasantries and on stage. Louis had never remembered to ask why._

_"You knew didn't you?" he asked narrowing his eyes at Harry. "How long?"_

_Harry's gaze had flickered over to Zayn, Niall and then to Liam. "It's been obvious Lou."_

_"Not to bloody me." he snapped. "Leave." he'd snapped at Zayn._

_"Louis-" Liam had started._

_"I need to think Li and I need him not here, go have a smoke or something."_

_Zayn had nodded, touching Liam's shoulder as he left._

_"Can we do this just the four?" he'd asked the room at large, not making eye contact. "Like proper, and do we want to?"_

_"I do, and we can." Harry'd piped up first. "I'm not just saying that cause he's my lay."  he added rolling  his eyes making Niall laugh._

_"I agree." Liam said. "And it's definitely not because youre my lay Lou. I love my job, I love doing this with you guys."_

_"Same." Niall finally added. "I couldn't do it without you guys.."_

_"You'd be good solo though, Nialler." Harry said. "You play the guitar."  
_

_"Fuck you're right, I'm out of here."_

_"What about you Lou? Can we do this?"_  
_Louis took a breath. " You know I'm stubborn as hell and I love this. No matter how shit it's been."_

_Harry's smile was the brightest as they came in for a hug._

 "He couldn't do it anymore." Louis muttered.

Harry's green eyes scanned his face, sensing his discomfort, before flickering down the rest of the page. 

"Hey, what's Larry Stylinson?"

Louis set his cup in the sink with a clatter. "I haven't shown you the house yet." 

He snatched the phone out of Harry's hands and pulled his wrist out of the kitchen and down the short hall.

"This is the recording studio." he said flicking on the light and gesturing around the room, there were still papers scattered over the floor from the last time he'd locked himself in there to work.

"Bloody hell." Harry muttered stepping in and looking around, he pressed down on the keyboard.

"It's not the best stuff but it works for rough drafts and recording when bloody Julian calls at four in the morning for a redo of a note."

"Who's Julian?" Harry asked, stepping back into the hall while Louis turned off the lights.

"One of the songwriters we work with." Louis hummed. "This is the sitting room,"

he gestured to the faux suede couches perched around the fireplace a large flat screen above it, kink knacks lined the selves on the other side of the room; awards, achievements, photos of the five of them.

"We're horribly posh aren't we." Harry laughed nervously.

"Nah, " Louis shrugged while Harry peered at each other awards. "We usually use this when family visits, makes our mums think we're grown up or if we need a quiet one. We normally hangout in the game room."

Harry raised his eyebrows. "Game room?"

Louis grinned and raced up the stairs to the game room, filled with a massive flat screen, various antiqued pinball machines a wall of movies and a  large U shaped couch, gaming consoles were lined up underneath the television which was currently paused on the episode of Game Of Thrones he and Harry had started the night before the concert.

"Wow," Harry muttered perching on the back of the couch and looking around, feeling the soft blankets they kept there for movie nights when they'd fall asleep tangled together. 

Louis wasn't telling him the whole truth, that they came up here mostly to blow off steam when they were too wired to sleep and too tired to fuck, that they normally watched movies in their bed, usually dropping take out on the sheets.

Louis cleared his throat and Harry stood, following him out.

"This is the office." Louis said pushing the door open, he was relieved to see Liam had done as he'd asked even though he'd sent him a long line of question marks.

"Wow." Harry whispered. Stepping around to the large oak desk, running his fingers across what little surface wasn't covered in papers or post it notes. "We work a lot?"

Louis shrugged, "Not much in here, too stuffy, but it's good for phone calls and writing." 

Harry nodded Louis led him to one of the guestrooms. 

"Here's where you'll sleep." he said walking in and pushing open the curtains, to let what was left of the weak sunlight filter in, noting that Amelia had put on fresh sheets folding one of Harry's favorite blankets over the foot of the bed. He made a mental note to thank her and try and sneakily give her a raise again.

"You're room is ...it's not erm, it's being painted."

"Right." Harry said looking at him oddly. "Thank you."

Louis nodded, "Some um, clothes are in the closet, towels in the bathroom and I'm down the hall if you need me for anything."

"Thank you." Harry whispered still watching him. "I think I'll lay down if that's alright?"

"Course." Louis nodded again. "I'll just go."

It hit like a wave when Louis closed the door to his room - their room- it had been their room since they moved in, since they looked through the house, he could remember wandering the house finding Harry standing in the center of the empty  room, turning to him whispering how prefect it was. 

Louis shakily stripped and walked into the en suite, automatically turning on music and turning the shower to steaming hot before stepping in, his eyes burned the moment the water hit his skin, he stood under the shower head  and let his breath come in sharp gasps as tears mixed with water droplets.

 

Harry padded down the stairs in just his boxers, rubbing tiredly at his eye as he knocked into the doorway. He'd been keeping to himself, wandering the house or watching Louis, he was outside a lot, sitting on the edge of the pool until the sun lights flickered to life and he'd stumble inside talking quietly with Louis.

It worried Louis, Harry was never quiet like this, he called the doctor stating as much while he watched Harry lay in the grass. _"He's had a trauma, Louis, he's in a totally different body then his mind remembers, it's going to take time."_

"Careful, love." Louis called from the stove where he flipped eggs.

"You cook?" Harry muttered scurrying up to his side, peering into the frying pan.

"I'm not totally useless." Louis quirked. "Tea's there." he nodded at the cup on the counter, while he plated the eggs.

"Thanks." Harry said catching the plate Louis slid to him.

Louis hummed and after a while. "Hey, I've got a meeting today, will you be alright here alone for a few hours?"

Harry nodded, swallowing and sipping his tea. "Yeah, I think so." he pushed back his hair impatiently. "Why do I have long hair, it's so annoying?"

Louis laughed and tossed him a hair tie. "It started as a rebellion but you loved once it got long."

 Harry hummed and pulled his hair up into a bun, Louis had watched him do it a thousand times but it never stopped being hypnotic.

 

"Right, so my number's first in your phone, don't leave the house, don't let anyone in and the password for Netflix is 'Dusty', but no pornos." Louis said checking his pockets one last time.

Harry leaned against the door jam. "Yes, mum." he drawled with a grin. "I'll be fine Louis."

Louis shook his head. "Alright I'm off, call me if you need anything at all, I can sod off any meeting."

Louis leaned forward for their usual parting kiss but drew back at Harry's frown, shaking his head.   
"Bye." 

Harry waved him to the car once inside Louis knocked his head against the steering wheel.

 

Harry wandered through the house, he thought about the pool or Netflix as Louis had suggested but he found himself drawn to Louis bedroom, the one room in the house he hadn't been shown. Harry didn't normally snoop, more than the normal person at least and  he respected Louis privacy, but...Louis.

Louis made him feel so oddly he couldn't put a finger on why or what, he felt safe with Louis, like he'd known him his whole life. He knew Louis didn't think he noticed the sad look in his eyes while he'd shown Harry around or the tilt to his mouth as he explained something to him, voice bright, he didn't think he'd heard him crying softly in the middle of the night when Harry visited the toilet.

Harry felt unexplained guilt bubbling in his stomach, it was driving him mad and when Louis had left, Harry had sworn he was going to kiss him and he was..more than okay with that, expected it really, was disappointed when he's pulled away, which was even more odd.

Steeling himself he swung open the door and flicked on the light, the room was simple; cream walls, with dark border. A massive bed sat in the center of the room with sheets pulled taunt and tucked into the sturdy, shiny baseboard.

The windows, covered with thin gauzy curtains  over looked  the spacious backyard a flat screen hung on the wall immediately across from the bed, a small table scattered with a few papers and a new laptop lay  next to a tangled pair of earbuds a soft padded chair pulled away. 

Harry felt odd as he stood in the middle of the room, feet settling into the soft rug, the bathroom looked normal- besides the huge shower that actually fucking rained, the bathtub with Jacuzzi settings the random bobs of nail polish and lipstick and eyeliner on the counter below the mirror- as he dropped  to his knees next to one of the bedside tables it hit him. 

Two people lived in here. 

He stared at the assortment of bits and bobs on the table in front of him; a book of poetry, a worn journal and a singer's biography, a few tangled necklaces a few weird looking Polaroids a bottle of water and compared it to the one on the other side with an tablet, a stack of scribbled sticky notes and a book on business, an empty glass and a half bottle of water.

Harry frowned as he opened the drawers, why would Louis hide he was with someone? Were they awful and Harry didn't approve? 

His question grew as he discovered a half full ( half empty?) bottle of lube and a stray ribbon of condoms, some sort of silicone object and  something lacy, neither of which he had the balls to pull out and look at. He moved in to the other side finding much of the same, except more condoms  and an almost empty bottle of lube along with other bits and bobs.

Maybe he wasn't out yet and he worried how Harry would take it ? But if he'd known Harry as long as he did he'd know Harry was more than just appreciative of men so..?

Harry huffed and his eyes landed on the closet, he bit his bottom lip and pulled it open, a light flickering on automatically as he scanned the line of clothes. One side filled with skinny jeans mixed in with dress tops, t-shirts and sneakers, the other side filled with expensive looking blouses, tight looking jeans and boots. Belts and ties hung randomly out of drawers hats sat neatly on pegs, in the back there was a box that looked wildly out of place, Harry shuffled forward and found it full of frames, frowning  he sat down and started sorting through them.

 

"Hey Harry?  I didn't feel like cooking so I picked up a pizza," Louis dropped the box on to the counter, kicking his shoes off towards the back door. The house silent and dark.

"Harry? Mate I assumed you didn't call because you were fine, not because you were dead." Louis joked, glancing out the back window at the yard, frowning when he found it empty, he  padded towards the sitting room and found Harry standing silhouetted in the doorway.

"There you are." Louis sighed. " Like I said-"

"We're a couple." Harry said flatly.

Louis stilled, frozen in place.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Harry asked stepping towards Louis. "Why did you hide them?"

He gestured back into the living room where he'd emptied the box onto the coffee table, pictures of the two of them raging from the early days to just last Christmas, tucked up together on the couch with Harry's sister, in the backyard with Louis sisters. Taken on their last vacation, pictures of clasped hands, of kissing cheeks, of fond soft looks.

"I didn't expect you to snoop." Louis answered honestly.

"Why did you hide them?" Harry asked again. "Why did you lie?" 

Harry's voice caught on the last word and he turned away, hands clutching his hair.

"For days I'v been trying to figure it out and it's been driving me mad. I trust you and you do this, You hide what seems to be a big part of my life." He turned back to face Louis, eyes shining. "Why? Just tell me why."

Louis stayed silent.

Harry sniffed and walked passed him. "How can I trust you if you lie to me about something like this?"

Louis stayed rooted to the spot, listening to the snap of the door. He looked at the pictures and sighed.

 

After returning the pictures to their rightful places Louis stood outside Harry's door the reheated pizza in his hands. "Haz? Can I come in?"

"It's your house." Harry mumbled after a few moments, the door swinging open.

"I brought pizza." Louis offered. "And an apology?"

Harry shrugged and stepped aside, climbing on to the bed, Louis handed him a plate and sat down across from him.

"I'm sorry I hid the pictures and lied about our relationship."

Harry watched him, picking at the crusts.

He took a deep breath. "When we got together it was wild and passion, we went from zero to sixty and didn't care, we danced around the word commitment for, like a month or so, but I knew the moment we kissed the first time you were end game for me.  Now we're  years in and comfortable, routine but we never stopped going sixty." Louis swallowed and kept his eyes on Harry's hands as they carefully tore the crusts into tiny pieces. 

"I look at you and I see the man I've been though so much with, who's grown with me, who decided to keep to me, who I want to keep for the rest of my life, the man I've loved for years and you look at me and you see a stranger.

I didn't want you to feel like you owed me anything, that you needed to act a certain way with me because we're together, I didn't want you uncomfortable in your own house."

 Louis chuckled bitterly. "The irony of trying to protect you and hurting you instead."

Harry was silent, eyes locked on his pizza.

"I think I understand." his whispered looking up at Louis.

"I never wanted to hurt you, H, I was just trying to make it easier." Louis whispered, blinking away the wetness in his eyes.

Harry's hand found it's way to Louis knee, sitting warm and heavy and familiar, Louis automatically rest his hand over it.

"It's okay," Harry said, squeezing his knee. "This is weird for me and I can't imagine how you feel, having someone you clearly love a very much lot not remember you. It's cruel."

Louis nodded. "I am sorry Harry, I should have told you, especially since I almost kissed you this morning."

Harry smiled, biting his bottom lip. "I thought was a little weird for really, really good mates, but hey, who knows what twenty-one year old me is into."

Louis bit back a laugh. "Would you believe me if I said twenty-one year old you is into talking about monogamy, golf and picking out nursery furniture ?"

Harry thought for a moment chewing,  before nodding. "I can believe it."

 

"Hey Lou?" 

_Lou Lou Lou Lou_

Lou was new, it was both reassuring and frustrating for Harry to call him Lou, it was so familiar and comforting. 

Louis hummed, looking up, he was sitting at the counter writing rough outlines for a song  via text message with Julian and Liam.

Harry stood across the counter, jeans, and a worn plaid shirt, hair pulled back loosely, curls escaping, he'd been dipping into his wardrobe the last few days  

_"I have weird taste." he'd muttered, pulling out a bright patterned shirt._

_"Not weird." Louis countered, sitting on the edge of the bed while Harry looked through his clothes. "You're not afraid to take risks."_

_Harry held up a pair of black and white striped pants. "This is beyond risk  taking Louis, this is a bar code."_  

"I was wondering if, like, if it's alright if I listen to our music?" he bit his lip and played with the corner of his shirt.

"Yeah of course, I mean if you want to, it's  yours too."

Harry smiled as he took the tablet Louis offered. "What do I start with?" 

"Well, " Louis sighed, stretching. "You could start from the very beginning, we didn't write much of the first album mind you."

Harry hummed. "What's your favorite?" 

"You aren't going to find out your own first?" Louis grinned lazily.

"I trust you." Harry shrugged.

Louis watched him, eyes darting across the screen, finally looking up to meet Louis eyes.

"Strong." Louis whispered. "That's my favorite."  
Harry smiled and padded away.

 

Louis lay on the couch playing a video game, he was beginning to go stir crazy, five years of being on go almost all the time made it hard for him to relax for more than a few days at home. Harry peeked around the door and sat next to Louis' head.

"Strong's about us isn't it?"

Louis paused his game looking up at Harry, who studied the screen.

"It's what you mean to me yeah."

Harry nodded. "Something Great, it's sad, according to the credits I wrote it."

Louis sat up, playing with a loose string on his sweatpants. "Yeah."

"What happened to make me - us?- sad?"

Louis chuckled. "There's a been a lot."

Harry frowned but asked if he could join Louis' game.

 

"Louis you need this."

Louis rolled his eyes. "I'm fine James."

James crossed his arms raising his eyebrows, he had convinced Louis to bring Harry and  come over for dinner while he was in London during a break in filming. James had cornered him in the back yard while Harry played dinosaurs with the kids and Julia  finished up dinner.

"I've known you since you were fourteen _Lewis._ "

Louis lit another cigarette and turned away.

"Louis." James said softly, a warm hand coming to rest on his shoulder.

"I miss him." Louis whispered. "He's right there and I miss him. It's been over a month James, what if he never gets his memories back? What happens then? " he crushed out his cigarette and pulled out another, it was his fifth, he hadn't chain smoked like this in a while, and he detested them, but the nicotine eased the tightness in his chest, if only slightly.

"In terms of the band we're nothing without Harry, how do you keep the fact that a member of the biggest  bloody boy band has lost his entire memory out of the press? How do we keep him safe?"  
"Then you deal with it, Louis, you have people just for that alone, but that's not what this is about is it?" 

Louis turned away, leaning on the railing, over looking the back yard full of kids toys, a play set and his eyes burned.

"Louis." James said again, taking the cigarette out of his hand and stubbing it out, sneaking the rest of the pack into his pocket.

 he admitted. "I want him to get his memories back so I have him back and it's so fucking selfish-"  
"It's not selfish Louis, you two have a life together, you've been through things only you two know how it feels. You two are each other's biggest confidantes, biggest comforts."

Louis rubbed the back of his neck , restless. "It's been so long since I've not had him, fuck James, I don't know what to do without him. I've had him for so long - I can't- What if he doesn't get his memories back? What happens to us?"

James gripped Louis shoulders. "Louis listen to me. Do you know what seventeen year old Harry Styles told me the first time we met? He asked me if 'love was falling for the same person every single day without fail', you know why he asked that? Because he fell in love with you  every single day. Sixteen year old Harry Styles fell in love with  you and seventeen year old Harry Styles fell in love with you everyday- so did eighteen, nineteen, twenty and twenty-one year old Harry Styles.

What you two have is special, memories don't effect those kind of feelings Louis."

Louis took a sharp breath, nodding, turning away to clean up his cigarette butts. "Thank you." he said turning back to James.

James gave him a sympathetic smile - that's all he seemed to get now a days- and pulled him in for a hug.  "It'll be okay, Lou."

Breaking apart Louis caught movement from the doorway. Harry stood, biting his lip watching them, Louis raised his eyebrows at him.

"Erm, sorry to interrupt but Julia says dinner's ready."

Harry caught Louis wrist as they filed inside. "Are you okay?"

Louis forced a smile. "I'm fine Haz, come on." 

"You look like you were crying." Harry pressed.

Louis couldn't meet his eye, "Nope just these." he waved the cigarette butts clutched in his hand.

 

A few days later Harry was chopping vegetables after offering to cook dinner for them. Louis had shrugged and handed over the knife opting to read the recipe, when the doorbell rang. Harry frowned at Louis.

"Did you invite someone over?" Louis asked, tip toeing towards the door, he knew through snooping that only a very few fans knew where they lived and were decent enough to keep it private, still didn't shake the worry.

"No offence Lou, but who would I invite?"

Louis grimaced . "Sorry."

Harry shrugged.

"Only a few people know the pass code for the gate so it's either family or a very clever fan." Louis flipped up his hood and went to the door.

"Hey Tommo."

Louis sighed, leaning against the door. "Payno, calling would have been nice. Hey, Ni."  
Niall waved from the car as he dug around in his backseat, talking to Sophia over his shoulder.

"Sorry," Liam said going in for the hug Louis offered. "Wanted to surprise you, How are you?" 

Liam pulled back and studied Louis face, Louis knew he was taking in the dark circles under his eyes and the downward tilt to his mouth, he'd seen them in the reflection of the his lap top as he shut it down reading late into the night seeing if there was anything more he could do for Harry.

" 'm alright." Louis muttered.

"You're not, but we'll pretend you are." Liam muttered slipping an arm around Sophia after she kissed Louis cheek. 

Niall clapped an arm around Louis and made his way to the kitchen. Louis rounded the corner catching Harry's eye as Niall washed his hands, the one sided conversation he'd started with Harry never pausing.

"Hey Haz, how are you?" Liam asked taking the stool next to Louis.

Harry glanced over his shoulder from the stove top. "I'm okay, thank you. How are you?"

Liam glanced at Louis, watching him play with the frayed edge of his jeans. 

"I'm good Harry, you remember Sophia?"

"No," Harry said turning around and holding out a hand to her. "But it's very nice to meet you, you're quiet pretty."

Sophia laughed and shook his hand. "We'll hang out when this is over, your boot advice is amazing."

Harry chuckled, ducking his head. Louis didn't miss the slight frown that passed over his face.

 

 

Dinner was an awkward affair. 

"You remember that time in Mexico?" Niall asked in the mists of a story clapping Louis on the back.

"We don't talk about that time in Mexico." Louis groaned.

"Come on Tommo, that was fuckin epic." Liam laughed, accepting the fresh glass of wine Sophia offered him with a kiss.

"No, we don't it was awful what the fuck are you on Lime?" Louis rubbed his eyes, the seat across from him was empty.

Extracting himself from the table with Niall plopping down in his seat, laughing loudly he went to the kitchen.

Harry was silhouetted in the window, the moon light casting a glow around him in the dark kitchen, he braced his hands on either side of the sink and shook his head looking out at the backyard. A shaky breath and a sniffle.

"H?" Louis called softly. "You okay?"

Harry cleared his throat.  "Brilliant."  He muttered voice thick. "Just needed some water."

"Harry." Louis said again, creeping closer, hand coming to rest on Harry's back. 

"You know, I didn't sleep well, I'm going to turn in, tell them goodnight?" Harry said stepping away from Louis.

"Harry-"

Harry turned on his heel and disappeared up the stairs.

 

Harry was quiet the next day, Louis found him fully dressed by the pool, a book open in his lap while he watched the water ripple. 

"You okay?" Louis asked dropping down next to him.

Harry nodded. "I'm good, it's nice out."

Louis rolled his pants legs and dipped his feet into the water. "It is nice out, I'm surprised you haven't gone swimming."

Harry shrugged, picking at a frayed hair tie on his wrist.

"You can talk to me." Louis tapped his knee.

"I don't want to make you feel worse." Harry muttered.

Louis sighed. "You not talking to me makes me feel worse, I've know you for years I know when something's bothering you." 

Harry ducked his head, tucking his hair behind his ear. "I hate not remembering. I hate being here and knowing there's stories and not knowing them, I hate missing the inside jokes and stories you have with the others, I hate having these." he thrust out his arm littered with ink.

"And not knowing what they stand for, why I chose to get them. I just want to rip them off."  his voice broke and he covered his face. "I'm sorry." 

"Don't be sorry." Louis snapped pulling him into his arms, Harry went easily tucking his face into Louis neck. "You're going though something you should never have to you're allowed to be pissed off Harry." 

"I hate not knowing I know I'm missing so much and I hate this." he sobbed.

"I'm so sorry."Louis muttered, pressing his lips to the top of Harry's head, helplessness washing through him.

 

*

It was storming, Louis thought it was appropriated after  coming back from the doctor to see there had been no change in Harry's brain scans he was completely healthy nothing amiss, leaving him to promptly lock himself in the room he'd come to call his.  

"Yeah I covered the pool, doesn't mean it won't be filled with crap by morning." Louis sighed, adjusting the phone on his shoulder and slipping into loose sleep pants. 

_"How's Harry?"_

"Not dealing." Louis said, rubbing a hand over his face. "I don't know what to do mum, he keeps locking himself away. I don't know how to help him." _  
_

His mother muttered reassurances down the line, while Louis watched the trees sway with the wind, rain pelting the window.

Harry cleared his throat in the doorway, bottom lip wedged between his teeth, scuffing his barefoot on the floor.

"Hey mum?" Louis said cutting her off, "I'm sorry I have to go the storms getting bad, yeah I love you too, call you in the morning."

Harry gave him a small smile, "There's like a shutter loose or something outside the window and it's making a ruckus, so I was wondering if maybe I could kip in here with you?"

Louis knew there wasn't anything loose by the bedroom Harry had been sleeping in, knew it for certain.

"Yeah, of course."  Louis nodded despite  his heart jumping to his throat. "I was just about to turn in."

Harry beamed and timidly followed Louis deeper into the room sitting on the edge of the bed while Louis turned off the bathroom light and checked his phone was charging.

"Well get in then." he said with a small laugh turning off the bedside light, flipping the blankets back and falling into bed.

Harry slipped under the blankets and turned to face Louis, just able to make out his silhouette in the darkness.

"What if I never get my memories back?"

Louis throat tightened, Harry sounded so small, so vulnerable.

"We'll work it out." Louis whispered, fighting himself to keep from reaching out for Harry, tucking him in his arms and shielding him.

"Whether it's with me or with your mum, we'll work it out."

"Promise?" Harry breathed.

"Promise." Louis said cupping his face for a moment.

 

Louis woke alone, the bed cold, padding down stairs he found Harry in the kitchen rattling around with frying pans.

"You're up early." Louis said coming over and hip checking him.

"Did I wake you?" Harry asked a pout starting on his lips, his hair loosely tied up, shirt thread bare and sweats low.

Louis smiled. "No."

Harry smiled, dimples carving into his cheeks. "I'm making breakfast, shoo." 

Louis raised his eyebrows, perching himself on the counter with a small smile.

 

They were halfway through breakfast when Louis phone rang, he slid it open with a flick of the wrist, holding it up to his ear.

"Hello?" he was silent, frown forming as he pushed himself backwards from the counter, slipping off his chair. "You're not serious?"

Harry tried not to listen in and continue eating but his stomach knotted hearing Louis argue with someone.

Louis sat down heavily, eyes dark as he pushed the remains of his meal around the plate.

"They want you to do an interview." he spat finally, sitting back and rubbing his face. "They want to show everyone you're fine."

"But I'm not." Harry muttered.

"I know that Haz, fuck." Louis pushed his plate away.

"I don't know how to do interviews, they must know that." 

Louis snorted. "They don't care Hazza. All you are is the prized pony, your fall went viral and you've been lying low, they want to show everyone that it's all fucking fine- god forbid they refund tickets."

Louis stood up pacing again.

"They can't make us do it can they?" Harry asked, pushing his own plate away.

Louis snorted again. "Not in so many words but yes they can and they will, it's already booked for this evening."

Harry paled. "Today?"

Louis caught Harry's eye and stopped pacing, lightly gripping his wrists in his hands, eyes trained on his face. "It'll be okay."

"Lou, I don't know how to do any of it." Harry whispered panic rising.

Louis shook his head, reeling him in to a rib crushing hug. "It'll be fine yeah? Liam will be there and Niall they're ready to jump in the moment you need them."

"What about you?" Harry mumbled into his shirt.

Louis pulled back and stroked his cheek. "I'm not allowed I'm afraid, but I will if you really need me to."

 

*

The studio looked like every other, Louis led Harry though to the greenroom with a soft hand on his back, Harry kept his head down, hands twisting together as they walked.

Liam handed him a bottle of water the moment they stepped through the door, Lottie tripped behind them following Harry as he sat on the couch talking to him in a soft voice as she painted his face.

Louis watched from across the room while their stylist fiddled with his jacket collar.

"Alright Lou?" Liam asked, skirting up to him.

"No, this is stupid." Louis snapped. "How is he supposed to go on stage Liam, look at him."

Liam glanced over his shoulder at Harry fingers knotted and turning white staring at the floor, bottom lip trembling. "I'll talk to him." 

Louis tried to ignore Liam's soft murmurs while Lottie fixed his makeup. 

"Stop squirming." she snapped dabbing concealer under his eyes. "He'll be okay." she added.

"He has no idea what he's doing." Louis whispered staying still.

"You forget who he is Lou, He's a natural at it."

 

 

Louis placed a hand low on Harry's back, "Remember what to do?"

Harry nodded, he was a little less pale since Liam talked to him and Louis tried not to let it get to him. 

"We'll walk out say hello  and sit down, he'll ask how I've been and then talk about the album and Liam will take over."

Louis nodded. "We'll handle it from there. Are you okay?"

Harry flashed him a smile. "As long as I don't throw up I'll be fine."

Louis chuckled and they were being called on, he heard Harry let out a breath and step forward on the stage the steady sound of applause and bright lights  making him pause before walking forward throwing a wave at the crowd.

He shook hands with the interviewer and sat down, eyes on the floor as the others settled in.

"Well!" the interviewer said, his name was Brian Louis thought fleetingly, Liam was between him and Harry an arm thrown over the back of the couch, subtlety resting on Harry's shoulder.

"One Direction!" Brian said waving at them, letting the crowd to clap a moment. "So first things first, Harry. You had quiet the tumble."

Louis knew grainy YouTube footage was being played on a screen to their right but had no desire to turn.

"Yeah." Harry was muttering. "I did."

"Well, I think everyone wants to know how you're doing? Doing okay?"

Harry cleared his throat. "Yeah I'm doing good, been at home just like, recovering."

Brian nodded. "That's great news, I'm sure that's putting a lot of minds at ease."

Harry smiled, ducking his head. "I hope so, I'm ready to get back."

Brian laughed. "You say that now, but you'll miss laying around at home, maybe with a special somebody?"

Louis' hands clenched on the hem of his jacket, he was going off script and by the smug tone in his voice he didn't care, Louis let his face go blank - something he'd become too good at over the years as Liam shifted, and Niall bit his lip.

Harry laughed nervously, Louis could feel his eyes on him as he glanced over at him, "Well my family _is_ full of special people ."

Louis let out a breath as Brain laughed. "I can tell when I'm being put off, so at home with the family maybe managed to bang up a song or two? Lads night maybe?"  
"We have actually." Liam jumped in immediately. "We wrote what I think is going to be my favorite off this album-"

 

Louis shook as they left the stage he ripped his mic and pack off deposing of it on a table, Niall was with Harry as he got his taken off.

"Liam, have you got a smoke?"

Liam shook his head wincing as he pulled at the tape securing the wire to his back. "Sorry mate."

"Blimey here."  Lottie said pulling a half empty pack out of her bag and handing it to him.

"Thanks," he murmured. "We'll talk about why you have them later."

Lottie rolled her eyes as he turned away, hurrying out to the back lot and lighting one up, It didn't help but gave him something to do with his twitchy hands.

Liam joined him a minute later, leaning against the wall. "It went well."

Louis snorted. "Besides him going off script?"

"Harry handled it well, Lou, you've got to let him have room, you forget he's always been good at bullshitting his way through things he's uncomfortable with, that isn't going to change now."

"Not the point." Louis said stubbing out the cigarette. "Do me a favor and hold on to these? I don't want Lottie getting them back."

Liam smiled, clapping Louis on the shoulder.

 

 

"Did I do alright?" Harry asked quietly, eyes set on the passing scenery as they  left the studio back lot he was biting at his bottom lip fingers twisting together.

"You did fantastically love, I was upset he went off script, that's all, you were perfect." Louis reassured, laying a hand on his knee, feeling guilt bubble in his stomach, he'd dismissed Harry completely until they climbed into the car.  

Harry nodded and after a beat. "Could I sleep with you again tonight?"

"It's your bed too." Louis smiled.

 

Harry lay on his side watching as Louis puttered around before bed, Louis climbed in with a lazy smile.

"Tell me how we met?" Harry asked quietly.

Louis looked over his face as his brow furrowed. "Well," Louis said softly tapping the _Hi!_ inked on his arm. "We met in the toilet."

Harry was almost asleep while Louis relived the first time Harry had climbed into his bunk with him during a long day of rehearsals.

"We were just talked about everything from that day and you kissed me."

"I kissed you?" Harry muttered, eyes opening slightly.

Louis smiled. "Yeah, you did at the bungalow, then I kissed you after week one and you kissed me week four and that was it."

Harry smiled, tucking his warm face into the pillow. "I was cheeky."

"Still are." 

 

Louis woke up with an armload of warm boy, Harry was snuggled against this chest hand holding tightly to Louis hand looped around his abdomen. 

In a sleepy blur Louis pressed his lips across the span of Harry's shoulders, Harry shifted turning over in Louis arms to face him, without opening his eyes, Louis kissed down Harry's jaw to his lips, just as he did every morning.

He kissed Harry, morning breath a vague thought and Harry hesitated in kissing him back, it was split second only noticeable because of all the kisses they'd shared.

He broke away and sat up, running both hands through his hair before looking at Harry, his eyes wild, lips red.

"Lou I-" 

Louis swung his legs over the bed and stood walking through the room to the door. 

"No," he said. "No Harry, I can't."

Harry padded up to Louis a few minutes later in the kitchen.

"I'm sorry I made you uncomfortable." he murmured over the sound of the coffee pot.

Louis sighed turning towards him, Harry was slouching head ducked, feet turned together.

"You didn't make me uncomfortable Harry, kissing you is one of the most natural things in the world to me." Louis sighed again, running a hand through his hair. "It's just..you don't remember me - hell, you don't know me- and I...I  know everything about you, I know your body better than anyone else and I'm a stranger to you. I just feel like I'm taking advantage of you and I can't let myself do that."

Harry nodded, settling into a chair, lip wedged between his teeth. "You said we started together when I was sixteen so I thought..I dunno it would help?"

Louis gave him a small smile pushing a cup of coffee across to him. "We did start together when you were sixteen but I was eighteen not twenty three and ...we were learning each other along the way, this is twisted."

"What happens if I never get my memory back?" Harry whispered, clutching his cup like a life line.

"We'll deal with it." Louis said turning away from him, heart in his throat.

"How?" Harry pressed. "You walk on eggshells around me, you..you're so sad Louis."

"We're not discussing this right now." Louis snapped, clearing his throat, the thought always sitting at the corner of his mind, eating away at him every chance he let his mind wander to it.

What if Harry never got his memories back? What would happen to him? Would he want to move home and try to rebuild his life? What would happen to them? The band? Everything they'd planned for years ahead?

The engagement ring sitting in the drawer of his night stand Harry'd given to him when things got almost too hard to handle with the promise of never letting go? Would it have any meaning left or just sour token of things that could have been?

The ink they'd embedded in their skin as oaths?

The plans they'd fought and sacrificed  their way to get? 

 "When will we Louis?" Harry asked, voice cold. "After a year? Two years?"

"Harry, stop." 

"What happens when you never get _your_ Harry back?"

 "Harry stop." Louis hugged his stomach. "Just stop."

Harry glared at him. "You're going to have to accept that I may not be your Harry anymore, Lou."

"Don't you think I've done that?" Louis growled. "Don't you think I'm trying to get to the place where you and my Harry are the same?"

"I don't know!" Harry said throwing his hands in the air. "You don't talk to me, the only time you tell me anything is if I directly ask you! How should I know how you feel?!"

Louis looked away, out the window at the pool, a few leaves floating listlessly on the smooth surface.

"I'm sorry." he admitted quietly. "I don't know how to handle this."

 "Neither do I." Harry whispered, the words almost lost in the hum of the fridge, he stepped up behind Louis. "But I'd rather try with you than alone."

 Louis turned around, tilting his chin up to look at him, hands coming to rest on his waist. "Me too."

Harry curled in on himself to tuck his face into Louis neck.

 

*

"Oh don't you look smart?" 

Louis looked over his shoulder in the mirror as he fixed his lapels seeing Lottie leaning against the doorway.

"Could say the same." he raised his eyebrows at the shimmy dress and dark makeup she wore.

She smiled shyly and stepped into the room. "Lou took me to a fashion thing, was cool."

"I'm sure it was. "Louis smiled at her. "Now black or grey?" he held up the ties.

Lottie hummed feeling them between her fingers. "What's the event?" 

"Charity dinner."

"Paps?"  
Louis shook his head. "Nah, just a dinner thing."

"Neither." she decided. "And undo these two, but don't show the tats." she popped the top two buttons on his shirt. 

Louis smiled at her and pressed a kiss to her forehead. "You're a gem, wanna do my quiff?"

She nodded, dropping her clutch on the bed and grabbing a brush and a bottle of hairspray.

"How's Harry doing?" she asked as she worked, artfully brushing Louis hair up and back, curling it to the side slightly.

Louis shrugged. "He's dealing."

Lottie rolled her eyes. "That's what you said a month ago."

"What do you want me to say? It's the truth, we're dealing the best we can."

Lottie hummed finishing up his hair and pulling a tube of concealer out of her bag, dabbing at the circles under his eyes and the spots around his hairline.

"Can I talk to him?"

Louis shrugged. "Give him bullet points for anything you talk about, but go ahead..just not too much, okay? It frustrates him."

Lottie nodded pulling Louis into a hug and followed him to the game room where Harry had curled up watching a movie.

"Haz?"

Harry's head peeked up over the back of the couch.  "Yeah? Wow, you look nice."

Louis smiled, ducking his head at the flustered tone of Harry's voice. "Thanks, Lottie's going to stay the night so she'll keep you company while I'm out, that okay?"

Harry nodded, giving Lottie a smile and a wave in return. "Any rules for her?"

"Not really. She knows them, just don't burn down the house, no parties and no boys or smoking." Louis chuckled.

"Damn, "Lottie swore. "There go all my plans."

Louis rolled his eyes at Harry's giggles pressing one more kiss to Lottie's forehead.

 

Louis returned home to a silent house, tip toeing up stairs he found them asleep on the couch, empty ice cream containers on the floor with one of Harry's favorite movies playing softly on the television. Louis smiled softly coming over and turning off the movie and picking up the dripping ice cream boxes.

"Sorry." Harry mumbled, blinking open. "I'll clean-"

"It's alright love, I've got it go back to sleep." Louis brushed the hair that had fallen over Harry's face back after pulling the throw over Lottie's shoulders.

Harry smiled up at him leaning up and pressing his lips to the corner of Louis' mouth, ducking back down and curling up with a smile tipping at his cheeks.

 

 

Rehearsals started up and were worse than usual, every dry run Harry left frustrated and snippy closing himself off more and more.

"Harry, it's -"

"I don't care." he snapped, dropping the mic after a particularly long day in a warm warehouse. "I seriously don't care right now."

"Harry don't be a diva." their choreographer chided. 

"Alright fine," Harry said squaring his shoulders. " _You_ lose your memories, know that we're only here because of that and keep fucking up everything and disappointing every- _fucking_ -one because you were stupid and tripped on fucking stage and we'll see how you feel."

Louis could see him shaking from across the stage, Liam and Niall's wide eyes glancing between Harry and their choreographer.

Harry took a shuttering breath, the fire in his eyes dimming and his shoulders slumping. "I'm sorry, I...I need a break, please, just five minutes."

"Of course." Helena rushed, rubbing his shoulder as he moved and jumped down off the stage.

"This isn't working." Liam said lowly, turning his mic over in his hands. "What are we going to do?"

Louis watched as the door swung shut behind Harry. "I don't know."

 

Harry had his head between his knees.  "Just another minute okay? I promise I'll be back."

Louis nudged the toe of his boot and slide down next to him,legs spread out in front of himself, he pulled a pack of cigarettes out of his pocket and nudged Harry's shoulder until he looked up.

"Do I smoke?"

Louis shrugged, knocking one out and lighting it. "You're a social smoker, not including weed."

Harry's eyes flickered up to his before he slowly took a cigarette, cupping his hands for Louis to light it.

"Isn't it bad for our voices?" he asked blowing out smoke, coughing slightly.

Louis shrugged, smoke streaming out his nose. "Yeah,"

Harry nodded taking another drag. "I'm sorry about -"

"Don't." Louis snapped. "Don't apologize." 

Harry sighed. "I'm being an ass."

"You literally lost your memories Harry."

"Exactly that's why everyone has to work overtime to get ready for...for ..shows. Oh my god I can't go stage."

Louis looked over and Harry had gone ashen, eyes wide.

"I can't stand up there and-"  
Louis flicked away his cigarette and pulled him to his chest.

 

"I'm exhausted." Louis groaned, kicking off his shoes. "And starving, can we order in?"

Harry locked the door, tapping in the security code, they were three weeks into rehearsals and he was doing better, nicking cigarettes off Louis and taking five when the frown lines on his face deepened.

"Sure." he said kicking off his own shoes and shaking out his hair. "What you feel like? I'm good for anything."

Louis hummed, undoing the tie on his sweat pants. "Chinese? Will you order while I shower?"

Harry nodded, a smile tipping his lips, "Sounds good. What do you want?"

Louis heard him opening the drawer where they kept the take out menus.

"I dunno," he called making his way up stairs. "Kinda feel like orange chicken, as long as it's not the place that-"  
"-Uses that weird marmalade, you hate that, I know." Harry rolled his eyes pulling out his phone.

Louis appeared at the doorway of the kitchen, hands hanging loosely by his sides, eyes wide, lips parted.

Harry frowned at him, pausing as he dialed. "What?"

"You...remember that?"

Harry squinted at him. "That you hate that orange chicken? You only went on about it for a week after we had it-"

"Harry."

"I remember, oh my god." the menus slipped from his finger as he stared at Louis. "I remember."

Louis stepped towards him, stopping an arms length away from him, Harry almost reached out to touch him.

"What did I almost drunkingly confess to David Beckham at your twenty-first birthday party? "

Harry smile slowly made it's way across his face, he closed the space between them, slipping his hands into Louis, holding loosely.

"You told me if I ever repeated it you'd cut off my balls."

Louis let out a small sob. "Harry-"

Harry leaned in close, lips brushing the shell of Louis ear. "You almost told David he was number one on your wank bank at sixteen, which you told me at the bungalow ."

Louis gasped, pulling him close, hands running up and down his back into his hair and up to cup his face, wet blue eyes finding his green and kissing him.

It was messy and full of knocking smiling teeth and sprouting facts about the past years until they were naked on the living room floor every inch possible touching, hands gliding up and down sweat slick skin, lips pressing lightly on sore marks.

 

*

"I can't believe I forgot you." Harry muttered, nipping at Louis thigh.

"To be fair love you forgot everyone." 

Harry shifted from his position on his stomach across Louis thighs, opening his mouth for Louis drop in bits of orange chicken, watching him with bright eyes.

"It's not the same, like I literally thought I'd never forget you and I did, sort of at least." 

 " 'Sort of' ?"

Harry sat up nodding. "I had no idea who anybody was but i had this weird deja vu with you, and when I found the pictures I wasn't like angry because you lied but more frustrated because I'd known something was off with what you'd said, you know?"

Louis brushed his hair off his face. "I missed you."

Harry smiled taking the take out box from him and setting it on the bedside table to straddle him.

"I missed you too." he muttered kissing him. "We should call the others."

Louis hummed gripping Harry's hips.

"We should." he muttered flipping them over and planking above Harry, nestled comfortably between his knees . "But I kinda want to keep you to myself for at least a little while."

Harry smiled, fingers twisting into Louis hair, hitching his legs up around Louis hips laughing against each others mouths .

"I kinda think that's an amazing idea."


End file.
